Does he love me? He is a Tunisian Soldier.........?

Hey I have a problem at heart, and I really need someones advise that knows tunisian and there mentality.
Ok here is the story, i may have to post more then one posting, so please barre with me.

It started all in September of 2004, I meet this incredible guy at a club. His name was Hassan, he was a officer in the tunisian militar and stationed for six month in the USA. After that night in the club we exchanged phone numbers, and a couple of days later i called him, we went on a date to drink coffee.Anyways after a few more dates we saw each other daily, we also had an agreement that this was just a relationship for six month and their was no future on both sides, his reason was that he told me his mother didn't accept forgainers, and another one was because the tunisian militar doesn;t allow such marriages, so basically he would of lost everything if he listen to his heart. I know for a fact that he wasn;t married in tunisa and that he was telling me the truth, anyways

so that thing with the friends and benefits didn't work because we both started to love each other, after the six month went by he returned to his country, leaving me here with a broken heart. I should mention though that i couln't go even it i wanted to. We stayed in contact the whole past 2 1/2 years, he got married and had a son. Now the last time he emailed me and ask me told me he needed to hear my voice. So i gave him my number, because even if i can't have him, i still want to be his friend. So to my suprise he called me when i wasn't at home and left me a message saying that he misses me and loves me. The second time when he called he told me he had made an misstake and that he realized how much he loved me, but he knows that this late realization is problaby to late. I have to say that i love this man with all my heart and i would give anything to be with him again, however i do have three children, and i think there would be no future. I am not sure if he loves me......

I am an American who is married to a Tunisian. My husband is also an officer in the military (he's currently a Captain in the Tunisian Air Force). While marriages with foreigners is discouraged, it is not forbidden. There are a few rules regarding military persons and marriage to a foreigner, but since that time has passed, I will not go into them.

Second, many Tunisians come from mixed marriages. It became more prominent starting from when France was still an occupying force in Tunisia. Today there are many, many mixed marriages. While it could be true that his mother would not approve (yes, there are still some who don't), it is pretty much a widely accepted practice.

Third, many Tunisian men look for non-Tunisian women because of many factors. While it is true that some men are only looking for green cards, the majority are truly looking for love and a stable relationship.

Fourth. This is going to be hard, I can imagine. The man is now married. I strongly believe that no matter how much you love him or he loves you, that marriage is a sacred vow and you should not in anyway interfere with it. I can tell you right now that divorce is NOT common in Tunisia, and those who are divorced are looked down upon. If he does leave his wife for you (Tunisians are only allowed one wife), any chance that you would have had of his family liking you or approving of you would be gone. The 'other women' here in Tunisia is thought of very badly, and not accepted by family, friends, or society. It would be made worse by the fact that he has a child with his wife.

A lot of people here in Tunisia are still able to be friends with their exes, and their spouses become friends with the ex as well. Seeing as how you two can not seem to make that switch, I would advise against trying it.


I know that it seems harsh, and must be a hard thing to do, but I think the best thing for the both of you is to make a clean break. The longer you carry it out, the harder it becomes, the more complicated it becomes, and the more hurt is caused to all involved.

If you need someone to talk to about this, please feel free to contact me. I wish the best for you in this situation and hope that everything works out.

He's got a kid and a wife! Youve got three kids? GROW up lady, stop whoring around and get a grip....Im only telling ya what dr. laura would....Pleeeze, you dont meet Incredible people at clubs, you meet people looking for good times....geeeesh.....you had your good times. He had his, dont try to break up his family, and u need to concentrate on yurs, what kind of example are u to your kids.....

My husband is Tunisian, I am American. I know very well how much family influences the Tunisian man..it took months for my husband to even TELL his family he had an American wife AND a baby boy!
However, he and you are both adults and made decisions that cannot be reversed. I know it hurts, and is very hard to do..but letting go seems to be the only realistic option at this point. Think with your head, not your heart..or it will cause tons of trouble for not just yourselves, but your families.
Also, take TunisianBelle's advice..she knows more about it than most people here.
Good luck, stay strong..try and meditate a little on what you really want from life right now.