I would really like to know what Greek people think of this, honest opinions please. Do you think foreign women fit in well in Greek communities or are they always outsiders? I am married to a Greek man and find that there is still a lot of resentment towards me, even though we have been together almost 7 years, sometimes it's from complete strangers (usually women, they have a little chat about us as we are leaving a shop for example). I have no Greek friends and I thought after 5 years living here things would be much different, but I'm still very much an outsider despite being possible the most polite person on the planet. A lot of wise words (and some not so wise) from many women answering your question.
I think your problem as you presented it, is not with your husband or his family but with other Greeks in the small island you live in.
I notice couples with different nationalities tend to blame most of their problems to cultural differences and thats not the case, as anyone has their own issues in the marriage, whether Greeks or not..... (:-)
Anyway, you refer to people in the island who see you as the foreigner and you have not been able to make any friends yet.
I think that you will always be the "foreigner" to them BUT....is up to you if you will be the nice foreigner or the bitchy one or the funny, the intellectual,the dumb and plain or the vibrant...or...well, you get the idea.
We are what we like people to see us as. So if we project the image of a nice,approachable person smiling, trying to say a few Greek words (And killing them in the process, that's fine)people will be more prone to approach and make friends with us.
Your island is a small place which means those people have no exposure in other cultures, other than the tourists who visit in the summer, so try to understand them. Every small place everywhere on earth is the same.
Did you think to start a group of women your age, about something you are interested and you are good at? A book exchange/reading club/ painting/ decorating/ anythingyoucanthinkof group?
Do you feel pasionate about a cause? Environment, children, recycling, women, disabilities, dive right in and put all your energy there.Is a nice way to get together with other women and to know each other better.
Also, people love to help others. If you need any help with the language ( I am guessing you learned several words in Greek by now, if not run to your bookstore) well, all those neighbors would probably find a purpose in their lives to educate you (LOL).
Spice up your life, concentrate in the good people and not the gossipers and empty lifers. LIfe is too short to waste with negativity and gloomy people.
Surround yourself with love and laughter and love and laughter will come to you.
Of course you can always have your little group of friends in here to vent :)
Good luck Is typical in the beginning by some to laugh and mock others rather than comply. I was laughed at some years ago in my insistence to wear sunscreen due to the hole in the ozon...it takes time for any change.
Best of luck and...don't let the elephants get you down :) Report It
probably how every other nationality feels-- don't do it.
but as time goes on, ppl will get over it well going on experience with a Greek mate i would never marry a Greek man, sorry but you marry one and you marry the whole family. sorry not Greek...but my great aunt is American and she married a Greek man. They were very happy, had 2 kids and she became millionaire because of him too. He died young though, but left her rich. Greek women won't like it cuz they won't get the MONEY. LOL. Do not be overly worried about what others think of you. I'm not Greek, but we are neighbours and I would not think that its any more different than marrying into any other South European culture. Greeks see many foreigners, plus they are open people, so it shouldn't be a problem. They are a bit more noisy, and yes, the family matters a lot, but its just warm Southern blood. If the woman fits ot does not fit - well, depends on the specific situation. Anyone who marries others nationalities is always outsider 鈥?we could only debate about the extension of being outsider; I guess that it would depend of the culture differences between you and them as a different nationalities, another words, tolerance between each others nationalities.
We have however to recognise that, there are out there extremist nationalities, depending of which nationality they are dealing with 鈥?you might be among the 鈥渁cceptable鈥?ones, concerning the Greeks; who knows? Crazy world out there鈥?/div>
my sister has been married to one for 22 years. they live in Athens.beware if you have kids you cannot take off with them if you want to leave your Greek man.they can be very bossy my sister loves it there she teaches Greek I cant answer your question as a Greek person (although my name is Greek) .I have lived in Spain for 5 years and know of many very happy marriages Spanish/English, Swiss/English Dutch /Spanish I could go on and on ,it makes very little difference what your nationality is, you may each have to work a little harder because of cultural differences, but your main aim should be 'working at and remembering' your LOVE for each other. Anyone who thinks marriage is easy is being very foolish, it isn't, it will be one of the hardest things you do in your life, Good Luck and a big hug for your baby. Let me draw your attention to the Greek tragedy "Medea" by Euripedes.
Medea- the man-souled woman- did everything for her Greek lover Jason smitten by love whom she later married. She was the daughter of King Aeetes of Colchis. Unfortunately the Greeks look down upon her and prefer Glacia, King Creon's daughter. Though she was led to "live and experience all the glories that were Greece", she ended up in tragedy.
The modern Greece is no better for a foreign wife.
With the increase of foreign tourists in Greece, social practices and perceptions are changing.
There are the young Greek men [KAMAKI], meaning male hunters for sex, who compete.
These men are usually people who work in hotels/bars related to tourism and hospitality.
They befriend and go out with the foreign women for sex and money..
Apparently , these foreign women are freer and sexually liberated.
These women are used as pawns by these men.
However, a kamaka has a sense of antagonism towards European or Western women.
He says:
pos boro na aho sevasmo yin mia yin aika an tin gamao
[How can I have respect for a woman if I screw?]
It is a relationship based on deceit.
Kamakia see themselves as belonging to a poorer, inferior society and by lying to, tricking and sexually conquering foreign tourist women from supposedly superior societies, they have some revenge.
A number of these foreign women tourists settle for marriage and cohabitation with Greek men.
This leads to a culturally mixed marriage in the context of international mobility.
Many times this KSENI [outsider] is paraded as a trophy.
She is "a window to the wide world".
However marriage and motherhood bring a change in her status. She is respected. The Greek father spends more time with the child and would never evev think of a divorce.
Language and culture set her apart and she would remain an outsider.
She needs to become a part of the entire family and support all the members[ including financially].
The foreign wife's situation is fragile - instability of mixed marriage.
Undaunted by all these, there are foreign women who gain acceptance in society and other native womenfolk gossip with them.
Good luck. It depends your nationality,most Greeks likes the other meditteranians like Italians,or French and they believe that they are about the same nation with them. Also they like the other West Europeans and the white Americans.
Well,if you don't belong to the white race or you have Slavic blood(except the Serbians which Greeks believes that they are their brothers),maybe some of them won't accept you.
Which is your race and nationality?
P.s. No i don't think that Greeks dislike British nation. What are you doing in a small island? Go to Athens or Thessaloniki as the other 70% of population and i am sure that you can enjoy life in Greece much more. It's terrible for a young man living in a small Greek island. There are so many factors involved which make the difference.
Where do you live? Big city or small village?
Where are you from? Europe, East Europe, USA?
What is your temperament? Are you a tolerant and sociable person?
So you see all these variables-and more- have something to do with acceptance.
I only need to tell you that some small, closed societies within Greece regard women from another part of Greece as "foreign". I feel for you big time, cause I know what you are going through, I also live in a island, and the gossip mongers are the worst...they have nothing better to do with their time.
Since I am a Greek, but have been brought up, outside the country. I will tell you the truth. I just hope you do not get upset. It is very irritating to get answers in my opinion, that are hypocritical. I have watched very closely how Greeks treat future daughter in laws,,,and even though I AM TOTALLY AGAINST THEIR ATTITUDES, I have a complete different mindset to them.
All Greek mothers, who have sons, want their sons to marry,
a GOOD RICH GREEK GIRL,,,she cant be a Greek girl that is half Greek, she must be genuine Greek with a lot of money...
I have seeing mother in laws' half heartily except the bride who is not Greek, and behind her back tear the poor girl to peaces...Men, are very chauvinistic, here in Greece, and, they believe, they are all Greek Gods. In my opinion a foreign woman will never please the family...even though they might except it because of a baby, or marriage, they will always wish for something that has been ingrained in them for generations, to marry within...
The foreign woman, in their opinion, are not good enough cooks, not good enough mothers, not good enough for their perfect sons... B*gger I said to myself that I wasn't going to answer this being British married to a Greek - but I've seen some strange and dated answers here!
You can leave with your children! I leave with mine every year - and they even have different surnames to mine! (This may vary with nationalities)
Foreign wives are respected probably more away from tourist places ... where unfortunately a certain 'drunken form of tourism' has branded us!
I also think it depends on character of the foreign bride/ Greek husband and his family as to how well you fit in. I would highly suggest a foreigner NOT come on holiday and marry the 'summer love'! Summer loving is one thing - spending a full year or more surrounded by his family and cold weather .... is quite another.
Character wise - the more independent you are - the stronger the character - the better chance you have!
The husband - if he's a mummy's boy ... recipe for disaster unless he has as much respect for you as he does his mum!
The family - if you have a good relationship with them - they can be your greatest 'promotion tool!' - I am really lucky that my in laws won't hear a bad comment said about me (not even as a joke from her son!) If you have a bad relationship with the family - then you can bet all and sundry will hear what an awful nifi you are!
As in most relationships - respect is the key factor - in a mixed relationship this means respect for one another's upbringing and nationality (avoid having slanging matches on your different 'ways') - after all we are who we are because of our past!
Yes, Greek parents want their children to marry Greeks - but my parents would have prefered an English boy! (My dad now adores my husband because he's the only one who can drink him under the table! Respect! - that was said in my Ali G voice!)
All of the above can be said of Greek women from other places as well! The town I live in - I hear comments alot - they all know each other or of each other - so when a local marries a non-local .. they are branded as ' thessaloniki Princess - or comments like 'What do you expect from an Athenian? etc etc. I don't think Greek girls in general have an easy time with mother-in-laws and fitting in - it's not just foreigners from different countries,. In fact I would say we get it easier - people may choose to ignore us - but if you're Greek - you may have to answer many questions about your family/money/studies/cooking/ childcare (obviously you'll do everything wrong - but they will just call our ways'foreign ways')
I prefer to be a foreign outsider - than a Greek outsider, I would presume the latter must be much more traumatic!!
Many times it's not that a foreigner is not good enough ... actually NO woman is good enough! well, my father (is Greek) has been married to my mom for almost 20 years , and my mom (is Dutch) has been living in Greece for over 20 years now.
When people ask her where she is from (despite her speaking
perfectly Greek, you can still hear she is a foreigner) they most probably guess that she's German, but they always look happy when she says she's dutch.
I think that it would help if the non-Greek person tried to speak Greek, because i see that it is highly appreciated .
My mom doesn't have any Greek friends as well, but with her job she meets/knows a lot of Greek people.
I don't know about other countries, but i know that in Greece it is said that they gossip much, but i wouldn't consider that a huge problem. There are always people who are different and more friendly, probably the younger ones and the ones who have been abroad.
It must be that since you live on an island (small community) that the people are more conservative and close. But i think that you can show them how nice a person you are and be friends with them. I am a Greek, married to a 'foreign' man, and quite honestly who cares what the greeks think. Some of the older generation may scoff, thinking that the 'morality' of 'foreigners' are not quite up to standard and then there is the issue of religion. But as I am not Greek Orthodox, and am in a way 'foreign' myself - because I was born in Africa this is a minor issue. As long as you love him, and you care for each other that is all that matters. Its Greek to me........lol , beware of the greek, they are taught when young, instead of having sex with women, they have it with guys |
