Why does everyone say that people in Denmark are so closed off?

Every answer I've seen dealing with denmark has something to do with the Danish people being closed-minded and closed off from making friends with new people. This seems really weird to me, because I've lived here for 5 months and I have more friends than I know what to do with! Everytime I turn around there's another Danish person happily wanting to be my friend. Why do some people consider them to be sheltered and unwilling to make friends with foreign people? In my opinion, Danes are friendly, kind, and very open-minded and more than willing to make jokes and have a good time with even strangers. Is it a matter of people merely going to the wrong places or being too pushy with them? What does everyone think (danes included?)

By the way, I'm an American living in Denmark =).

Personally, I think that people bringing up 'Janteloven' as a reason for their failure in dealing with Danes should suffer the same fate as people invoking 'Godwin's law'; as soon as you're desperate enough to try and use janteloven to make a point, you've already lost the discussion. One should also at least educate oneself on what something means before spewing it out. Janteloven means that you're not supposed to think you're better than anyone else, just because you can do something fancy and was mostly invented as a humourous and somewhat self-effacing device to take arrogant people down a notch or two. Naturally, its use and meaning vary regionally. Danes love new things, in spite of people trying to convince us that we do not. Food is especially something we love a lot, and I must admit that my friends and I have grown most fond of my fianc茅e's American cooking. Of course, being somewhat more health-aware and having taken a liking to more natural products, it's hard to find things like double-cream or condensed soups around here, but there's always specialty stores with such things readily available to indeginies and foreigners alike. We love meeting new people and for the most part readily make friends, the only difference is that we might appear to be somewhat stand-offish, because we do not 'cotton' to people who just want to make friends to have someone fawning over them or constantly be attentive. Either the people saying that we're too closed off are going about making friends the entirely wrong way, or they're just being arrogant in assuming that everyone SHOULD be their friend come hell or high water. We decide ourselves which people to befriend, and if people keep stepping on our toes, naturally we're not going to want to know that person.

I love Denmark and I enjoy travelling there.

I think that it's something to do with the people on here rather than the Danes.
Maybe it's because the English-speakers here spend all of their spare time on the internet, reading English-language websites, instead of making the effort to try and speak a bit of Danish and go out and meet people.

(I'm not saying this applies to all English speakers - just the ones that constantly complain.)

I'm not the most sociable of creatures myself, but whenever I've taken the trouble to get to know Danish people, my efforts have been reciprocated.

As English speakers, we shouldn't expect to be able to turn up in any country in the world, speak English, and have everyone bending over backwards for us.
Nevertheless, I still find that the Danes love the opportunity to test their English skills on an 'authentic' native speaker (somewhat to my annoyance when I am trying to practise Danish).

Hi

I'm happy to read that you're settling in and adjusting so well. :)

I'm guessing it is a matter of attitude and cultural differences.

I would definitely not say that the Danes are closed off, but we can be reluctant to take the first step, out of politeness - that we are afraid of disturbing you or bothering you. Then, if you do not show you are interested in making friends, nothing will happen.

Taking the first step or being merely open and smiling will with most Danes result in what you are experiencing: That everytime you turn around there's another Danish person happily wanting to be your friend.

joncummins complaint, about not being able to get a chance to speak Danish because the Danes are so eager to test their English skills on an "authentic" native speaker, is actually something many foreigners complain about.

Understanding the Danish mentality and not being offended by the leg-pulling, the black humour, the bluntness and openmindedness is also important. It's difficult to become close friend with a Dane if he always has to watch what he's saying, because he's afraid of hurting your feelings or offending you.

I don't know why. Maybe it was my comment which you have read.

I am a master student here in DK and most of the international students agree with me that Danish students are distant and far from reach. Well, you can ask them things and they will reply you with a smile (or just polite answer) but it is almost impossible to make them as your friends (as in good friends - not just friends who only show up for beer party and stuff)

Maybe it depends also on what kind of friends you are describing? Are these Danes close to you like your good friends or just politely saying hi and smile to you when you meet them and have a beer with them? Those are two different things.

As for the narrow mindedness, I would say that they think Denmark and the Danish way is the best, thus it is difficult when we have a debate with them sometimes. Well maybe it is part of patriotism and nationalism but they are so grasping the idea that there is no better way than the Danish way that it is difficult to believe that other countries can actually do it better. (if you know what I mean - and this is also in the high-intellectual discussion)

........and if you have Danish spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend you will learn about this much more since most of the people I know complain constantly how their boyfriends/girlfriends boast so much about Denmark that it is starting to get into their nerves.

(and by the way - I do speak Danish)

All in all, I am glad for you that you don't experience any difficulties with the Danes at all. That's good for you! I am just sharing my opinion and my experience here :)

well sweety i have been here for 4 years...u don't see the big difference until you've been here over 2 years. just wait.
i think the same way u do about them being friendly and nice but as americans we are a bit to loud, pushy, and more open when it comes to things. they tend to stand back more until they feel comfortable. some just don't want more friends or don't want to talk english. it also depends were u live. I live in jylland and not cph ....so in cph it may be a bit different. I guess you havent heard of the jante law...the guy whose community morals and school systems are based on. They are taught from birth and at school to stay with only those friends they grow up with....u will notice they stay in the same class the whole day and with the same people year after year. this is supposedly suppose to sheild them from trauma....so if something tragic happens then they have their close nit community and friends to lean on...hence the government backing school funding, college, maternity leave, homeless, jobless and so on. they always have someone to lean on. However for some this leads to them not being open to new ideas or new ways...trying new things or meeting new people. they don't develop the social skills needed to accept new people or understand people and other situations are different.
i love denmark and the people its just very hard...especially being not in my early 20's and with a child to meet those people you trully consider your friends. most are just friends you see occasionally, go out with, or eat dinner with...no very close close friends to call up like in the states to go do something.
the reason some are unwilling to foreigners is that same mentality of not letting anything new in and the danish way is the best way....u will see it in stores. they try so mething new from the states and 6 months its off the shelves because they dont want to try it. i tired cooking an american dinner once and noone even bothered to try it...after cooking all day they didnt want to even try it.
and if u notice too you neighbors dont come runningover to talk to you or meet you. they stand back at first til u make the first move...that is just their way...and many danes will tell you they are reserved. they feel like the will bother you.
but i have also made many friends after 4 years of pushing and pushing and especially from school and now running my own business.


fyi....to those who think we dont interact that is bull.
i own my own business , speak danish enough to get buy, have mothers groups, went to school, join community activities, sponsor many city events, and hold dinner parties...nites out....american and danish holidays....and so on and they still cancel. mainly cause they are shy and scared. it depends on were u live.

cause it is against the law for them to talk